


Deep Cut

by sweetheart35



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Avengers Endgame Spoilers, Fluff, Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Iron Fam adopts a feral child, One-Shot, Past Child Abuse, Past Torture, Thanos's A+ parenting, They both suck, touch starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-05 11:46:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18828067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetheart35/pseuds/sweetheart35
Summary: Deep Cut: n. an emotion you haven’t felt in years that you might have forgotten aboutNebula has not felt grief in a long time. Now that Thanos is dead, she's not sure she's allowed to.





	1. Chapter 1

When they return to Terran (Earth, Nebula tells herself, they call their planet Earth) Tony has woken. The redheaded woman, Potts, who’d hugged him when he’d disembarked the ship is sitting by his bed, holding his hand gently. They’re talking quietly to each other, holding hands. The intimacy between them is easy, familiar, like a well-worn glove.

It reminds her of the affection displayed casually between the Guardians, the way Drax and Rocket and Quill needled each other endlessly, but with a friendly clasp on the shoulder or arm. The way Groot had been treated so gently, how they had protected him despite him being a liability instead of an asset. The way Potts and Tony look at each other remind her of the small glances she’d seen Quill and Gamora exchanging, albeit more tentatively and cautiously. She remembers the way she’d ached with envy and longing, watching their little makeshift family, something she’d wanted so desperately for herself for so long, what she’d wanted for her and Gamora all those years.

_“I just wanted a sister!”_

She’s aching for that again, watching Potts and Tony. Rocket has stuck close to her side, but they aren’t family, not really. She gets a pass because she’s Gamora’s sister, but not too long ago even that hadn’t mattered.

Potts finally stands, leans over and press a soft kiss to Tony’s cheek, and after squeezing his hand one final time she exits the room. For a moment she looks like she’s going to head down the hall, away from Nebula, before she catches sight of her and changes direction towards her. She’s walking quickly, with purpose, and it’s obvious to Nebula she’s a non-combatant, but the way she walks causes Nebula to straighten despite herself, to tense up in preparation for...what, exactly?

Potts stops in front of her and the two women regard each other carefully. Finally, Potts reaches out slowly. Nebula watches her hand, Potts telegraphing her movements, and manages to refrain from flinching when it lands on her cheek.

“Thank you,” Potts says softly. “For bringing him home and for taking care of him.”

Nebula stares at her for a long moment, unsure of what to say. Potts doesn’t say anything, just waits patiently and finally Nebula manages to unstick her throat.

“You’re welcome,” she says and she can’t help the way her eyes cut down and away from Potts’s face. She stills when Potts’s other hand brushes her cheek so she’s cradling Nebula’s face and then doesn’t resist when her head is drawn down.

She almost weeps when a gentle kiss is brushed over her forehead. It is one of the few gentle touches she has ever received. Thanos had cradled her head like this before, always right before her punishments, but his touch was oppressive always oppressive, always made her feel like she couldn’t breathe and she was seconds away from collapsing under the crushing weight of her failures and his everlasting disappointment.

This touch is feather soft, with no expectations behind it, and it is the first kiss Nebula has ever received. Nebula wants more of this affection, is starved for it, but she doesn’t press forward when Potts pulls back from her.

“He would like to see you,” she says softly. Nebula glances over at Tony, who’s watching them through the glass with an unreadable expression. “If you want.”

“I - I would like that,” Nebula tells her and Potts smiles at her. She pats Nebula’s cheek once before stepping back and around her, disappearing elsewhere in the building. Nebula watches her for a moment before turning and heading into the medical room.

“Hey,” Tony says, smiling at her. It’s not a large smile, but it’s the first one she’s seen to reach his eyes. They’re nice when he smiles, Nebula thinks. Brighter. Softer. She wonders if all eyes are like that. Potts’s eyes had been bright she’d smiled at her, but that may have been because of tears.

“Hi,” she returns. She stands awkwardly at the door until Tony waves her to the seat by his bedside. She sits cautiously, watching him warily. They regard each other for a long moment.

“How’d it go?” He finally asks. Nebula looks down at her hands, twisting the fabric of her pants.

“Thanos is dead,” she answers. Tony lets out a long breath and she hears him settle more heavily into the bed.

“And the stones?” He asks. She chances a glance at him. His eyes are closed and his expression is a strange mixture of relief and misery. She looks away.

“He destroyed them,” she says softly. “They’re gone.” Tony hitches in a small breath at that and when Nebula glances back at him, his face is screwed up tight. After a moment, he wrestles himself back under control. They sit in silence for a while, Nebula burning inside with what she wants to say. She doesn’t know if it’s appropriate but Rocket, she knows, will shoot her down and she doesn’t know who else to ask. Tony, at least, has always been kind in the short time she’s known. He may be kind with this as well.

“I…” She starts and stops when Tony looks at her. She looks away again. “I...wept. For Thanos. When he died.” Tony is silent. There is no judgement on his face and it gives her courage to continue. “He hurt me. He killed Gamora. He destroyed half the universe and I still wept for him. I don’t -” She breaks off, unsure of how to continue but needing to _know_ what this says about her. She’s wanted nothing more than a family, to not hurt, to not have to fear being hurt and Thanos was the root of all those and she cannot figure out why she grieved for him. Tony knows many things. Surely he would know about this too.

“Nebula,” Tony says quietly. There’s something odd about her tone and Nebula takes a moment to identify it. Coaxing, she finally thinks. He’s coaxing her. She remembers seeing a child doing the same to a small animal hidden under some waste receptacles on a planet she’d visited once. No one has ever tried to coax her. They’d demanded, ordered, pushed. But this is new. She cannot figure out what Tony is trying to coax her to do, though.

“Nebula, will you look at me?”

Ah.

She looks up and Tony turns his hand over so it’s palm up. It’s similar to the position it was in when he was holding hands with Potts and after a long moment, Nebula tentatively places her hand in his. The smile he gives her tells her she did that right. He curls his fingers around hers. Then he falls silent again, staring up at the ceiling. He did that a lot, on the ship. Staring off into the distance. He always came back out of it, though, so Nebula stays silent and lets him put his thoughts in order.

“My parents died when I was twenty-one,” he says finally. “Long time ago. Murdered.” There’s an old pain lingering there. “My mom was amazing. A little distant, but she was there when I needed her. My dad, though -” he huffs a laugh and drags his other hand down his face, frowning. “Nothing I did was ever good enough for him.”

That’s a feeling Nebula is intimately familiar with. Tony’s hand is trembling in hers and his grip gets a little tighter. He looks a little paler than he did previously. Talking about his father is not a good thing. He looks over at her.

“He hurt me,” he says. “Not like...not like you.”

“But he still hurt you,” Nebula says.

“Yeah. Yeah, he did.” Tony looks back up at the ceiling. “But when they told me...when they told me he was dead...it was like a punch to the gut. I was relieved, but it felt like a million missed chances.”

“To finally gain the approval you wanted.” Nebula is staring back down at her lap, gripping Tony’s hand just as tightly as he was gripping hers. “To prove that you’re finally good enough and worthy of...worthy of affection.”

“Yeah.” Tony’s voice is quiet. “All these years and it still lingers there in the back of my mind. If he were still alive...would he be proud of what I’ve accomplished.” He lets out a brittle laugh. “I already know the answer to that, but it’s still there.”

“I was uncertain if weeping for him made me complacent with his vision and goals,” Nebula confesses. Tony’s eyes sharpen and he looks at her intently.

“No,” he says firmly. “No, it doesn’t. You made the choice to walk away, to fight against him, to try and make the universe _better._ Nebula, you are _nothing_ like him.”

The sting of tears surprises Nebula, as does the hitch in her breath. In the next moment, Tony is pushing himself up and he shouldn’t be doing that, he needs to _rest,_ but she’s worried she’ll hurt him if she pushes him back down and then his arms around her shoulders and he’s pulling her close, tucking her head into his neck. It’s a surprisingly soothing action and Nebula presses as close as she physically can, winding her arms around his torso as she weeps. Tony is shushing her, making small rocking motions as though she’s a child but Nebula can’t bring herself to care.

They stay that for a long time before she finally feels stable enough to pull back. She helps him settle back down to the pillows and she’s suddenly exhausted. Tony’s eyes are drooping but he forces them open.

“FRIDAY?” He says, seemingly to no one.

“Yes, boss?” A female voice, soothing and soft, says. Nebula twitches and Tony just gives her a small smile.

“Can you direct Nebula to one of the guest rooms?” He asks. “Have Rhodey meet her there with a change of clothes so she can rest.”

“Of course, boss,” this FRIDAY says and Nebula stands.

“If you need anything, ask FRIDAY,” Tony says. “She’ll help you. My door is always open.”

“Thank you, Tony.” The words come easier this time and she’s gratified by the small smile he gives her before settling back and closing his eyes. Nebula hopes his sleep is dreamless.

She follows FRIDAY’s directions to a door where Rhodes, apparently called Rhodey by Tony, meets her with a bundle of clothes in his arms.

“Here,” he says. He, like Potts, telegraphs his movements. Nebula is able to take the clothes without incident. They are incredibly soft against her skin. “Some sweatpants and a hoodie. They’re pretty good to sleep in or hang around the house. Generally considered comfort clothes.” Nebula shakes out what must be the hoodie. It’s a new term, native to Earth, she supposes.

“It’s...big,” she says. Bigger than her own frame.

“It’s mine,” Rhodes answers. “I stole it from Tony, who stole from me first. Don’t worry about giving it back, it’s yours now.”

“Mine?” She repeats.

“Yeah,” Rhodes says. “It’s like a gift.”

“I haven’t ever been given a gift.” The words slip out before Nebula can stop herself and Rhodes stares at her for a long moment before reaching out and clasping her shoulder. His touch is firmer than Potts’s was, but despite that it doesn’t feel suffocating.

“I’m glad I got to give this to you, then,” Rhodes says sincerely. He drops his hand and gestures to the door. “This is your room now. You can keep anything you like in there as long as it’s not a dead body. As long as you want it, it’s yours.” He jerks his thumb over his shoulder. “My room is down that way. If there’s anything you need, feel free to ask FRIDAY or come talk to me, alright?”

Nebula nods, overwhelmed. Tony and then Potts and now Rhodes have given her nothing but kindness despite barely knowing her and she’s not sure what to do with it. She wants to be alone, to try and figure out how to process this. Perhaps Rhodes understands because he nods at her once before turning and heading back down the hallway. Nebula slips into the room.

There is a door directly to her left. She sticks her head in. It appears to be a bathing room. FRIDAY walks her through how to use the shower. After, Nebula pulls the sweats and hoodie on and they are the softest clothing she’s ever worn. They feel almost like a luxury. And they’re a gift. They’re hers. Gifts, Nebula knows, can’t be taken away. The room is hers too and that must mean everything inside belongs to her. For as long as she wants it. Nebula climbs onto the bed (and is everything here so _soft?)_ and sinks down into the middle of it.

Tony says she is not Thanos. She is not like him. Tony would know. He is not cruel for the sake of being cruel, not like his own father, not like Thanos, even if he hid it well. If Tony is not like his father, even though he mourned him, then Nebula is perhaps not like Thanos. It’s a comforting thought, that she’s allowed to mourn him even as she’s relieved he’s gone, that she is not wrong for doing so.

So, in the privacy of her room, Nebula grieves even as she rejoices.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is marked as completed but I have no self-control so have another chapter of Nebula and Pepper bonding a bit.

“What is on your shirt?”

Pepper glances up from her tablet. Nebula watches, bemused, as the wrinkles in her forehead smooth out as she smiles at her. Then Nebula’s words register and Pepper glances down at her chest.

“This?” She asks. The shirt she’s wearing is one Nebula isn’t used to seeing on her. Pepper usually favors more neutral tones, what Tony calls ‘business casual’. This shirt has a deep blue background but is covered in twists and starbursts of purple intermixed with with greens and pinks. Pepper stands and moves around the desk so Nebula can get a better look at the design. She’s barefoot and wearing shorts. It’s the most dressed down Nebula has ever seen her. 

“It’s a nebula,” Pepper tells her and Nebula feels her breath catch. Pepper tugs in the hem of the shirt, pulling it out and away from her body to show it off better. Nebula reaches out tentatively and brushes her hand over the fabric as if she can touch it. 

“Tony’s not so fond of space, but I’ve always had a bit of an interest in it. Nothing serious but I kept up with what was happening with NASA.” Nebula doesn’t know what NASA is but something in her feels warm to know not everyone in Tony’s family has the same dislike of the space he does. 

“Nebulas were always my favorite,” Pepper continues, her voice careful. 

“Why?” Nebula’s voice is harsh and she ducks her head almost instantly, bracing herself, before remembering who she is with. No one in Tony’s family had ever raised a voice or fist to her, no matter how many times she’d forgotten herself. “They offer nothing of use.”

“We call them Pillars of Creation down here,” Pepper says softly. “Stars form out of them. We know they have the potential to create planetary masses.”

“A drain on resources,” Nebula bites out. It’s something she heard countless times before. ‘A drain’ ‘taking up space’, most recently a ‘waste of parts’.

“Someplace for life to take hold and flourish,” Pepper corrects. “Stars used to navigate and find their way home.” She looks down at her shirt. Nebula’s hand is still brushing it. “I’ve always liked that idea. That nebulas create a way for us to find our way home.”

Nebula doesn’t know what to say so she drops her hand, eyes burning. Spending time with Tony’s family has been making her soft. The way they bring her in without question, the way Tony and Rhodey are constantly touching each other, Pepper, Happy...her. The first time Pepper had ever thrust Morgan at her, forcing Nebula to catch or drop her, had been the most terrifying moment of Nebula’s life. She had been an infant, fragile and impossibly tiny in her arms. She’s not much bigger now but she’s mobile and already sounding out words. She lights up and reaches out for Nebula whenever she sees her. 

“Where’s Morgan?” Pepper asks. She steers Nebula through the house to the kitchen. 

“She is outside with Rhodey and Tony.” Nebula takes a seat at the counter while Pepper pulls a container from the freezer. “Rhodey mentioned something about flying lessons.”

Pepper freezes, takes a deep breath and turns towards the pantry, pulling out a bottle and fishes around in a drawer before pulling out two spoons. 

“Come on.” She turns and heads towards the back. “If Tony and Rhodey are going to try and give me a heart attack by taking the two year old flying, we’re going to retaliate by eating ice cream, painting our nails and drinking wine while catching you up on Earth culture.”

“Aren’t you worried about Morgan?”

“I’m worried in the sense an accident could happen but more than likely they’re going to hold Morgan while they hover a foot off the ground and make stupid faces at each other to make her laugh,” Pepper replies. “Neither of them will let anything happen to her.”

“Tony is very...careful of those he deems important,” Nebula says finally. Pepper’s smile turns a little sad.

“He is,” she agrees. “Sometimes there are people who take advantage of it, but he doesn’t change. His heart is too big for that.”

“I have never done any of..those things you mentioned,” Nebula says after a few moments. Pepper’s statement needs no addition. The short time she’s known Tony has proven it to be true and she’s curious about what appears to be a common Earth custom. “What’s ice cream?”

She counts it a victory when Pepper laughs, clear and bright.

“You’ll love it,” the other woman promises, a wide smile on her face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I use a picture of a galaxy print shirt for the inspiration for this chapter? I absolutely did. Did I look up space facts to try and give Nebula a beautiful (imo) outlook for her name? You're damn right. Am I sucker for ironfam? Forever and always.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me! cherrysoda45.tumblr.com


End file.
